I’m helicopter skiing but of course they take the helicopter with the propellers that are made of Twizzlers. We crash into the mountain and I realize my skis are made of smaller, thinner people. I have to make a decision. Ski on them, or eat them. It was a hard decision, but I decide to ski on them and eat the power bar I brought with me. I make it down to the base of the mountain but it’s a false base, kind of like a false summit but with more hot chocolate stands. I order 2 hot chocolates, one for me, and one for my left ski, because the right one keeps complaining about my weight. Rude. We decide to try and make it further down, but my high school basketball coach is there and he’s kissing my grade school crush. I demand to know her age and threaten to prosecute him for statutory kissing, and she reveals she’s only 11 but she has a law degree: There is no such thing as statutory kissing.
Infinitely frustrated, I build a small igloo and decide I will spend the night, only to wake up finding I hibernated like a bear for 8 months. Everything is about the same, but my TiVo is full. Then I wake up, but under the bed.